american friend

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself, I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before, In very many ways, He's just one more.
Should I bring him down? Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love, Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this. What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny, I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been So calm, so cool, no lover's fool, Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this. What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me, I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope. I'd turn my head.
I'd back away. I wouldn't want to know. He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.

This is a Lloyd/Webber number, I think.

Walking the Walk

Walking the Walk
good

Angry

Anger is the way it felt yesterday, now I feel calm again.

being thin

wenttosee her today, scary to see how thin she is, she longs for help and it is not available in her town, she has sent her kids away. The kids are scared she will die of starvation and so am I. The crisis team come to see her from time to time and tell her that they can treat the eating disorder but cannot live her life, she must do that.........."what is the point of all this suffering she asked?" I left her to some home and feel scared that I have to leave her alone, alone and alone. She shed some tears and said some fine words that are the rights words, but there is something amiss........some unnamed longing.

young girl at work

told me she is breaking up with her chap because he wants a baby and she does not. I wonder why she feels that way?

really ill......

the girl has starved herself for ages now and her body has packed up and she cannot speak anymore. I have to visit tomorrow and haven't got a clue how to be with her, I think I will be kicked if I say this or if I say that. ! Happy Families. her sisters will not go to her and so they have voted me into the fray, I do not know the truth of her situation but it seems that she is well when she is pregnant and feeding babies and ill the rest of the time, and now her man has told her that he has had the chop.

Abraham

Samaritans

In the UK this is understood to be a group of people who listen on the telephone to the problems of folks not coping with life. I was glad to see that there is a race of people called Samaritans living on the West Bank. They are decendants of the people of Samaria. These people just get on with life.

Polar Bears Paws

Big,
Fluffy,
Claws,
Strong,
Powerful.
When I watch the polar bears hunting for food I often wonder how they can tell there is a seal under the ice, maybe they hear it or they have a sixth sence. When I read about it in the wickipedia it tells me that the seals poke holes in the ice in order to breath and so the bear is alerted.

mind.....i don't know?

phone is ringing and she says.........

"she is ill again", she has 4 kids and suddenly she has stopped talking can't move and is in hospital. maybe she had a stroke, but as she is 36 she seems too young. she has had years of ill health with anorexia and stress from various family issues and now she has to fight to stay alive. its as if death is knocking at her door, when i asked why this is happening now her sister told me it is because of christmas. all the sadness of being a child rushing in and a slight little thing can set her off on a wobbly. her sister says "will you visit her as i think she will get worse if i go" of course i must go and visit. i am angry with my sister for not being here to help in this crisis. a little voice in my head says ignore it and it will go away. another part of my head says "you are the adult you can help by loving them in your way". Is that really true that love is the way and what is love anyway??????

darkness

black
brown
nothing
nothing
black
brown
if its brown pull it down
if its black put it back
black
brown
nothing
nothing
black
brown

hECTIC dAY

polar bears

The polar bears are losing their habitat, some say global warming some say too many people, some say the ice caps expand and contract all the time. Personally I think we are on earth such a short time we may as well do what we can to find out about the polar bears and see if we can help them. Today, I went to one of those meetings where people are trying to save people from people, that is a whole different ball game as far as I can see. Everyone seems to project their problem on others and then it is hard to talk about the real issues because of the fond beliefs of the various parties. Anyway, I said I would pass on the details of the save the embryo rally. And I might include the details about the polar bear too.

doughnuts and chips

Today we opened the yeast and it exploded, it was only later we realised that cooking is a art and a science. So we will have chips for tea instead of the doughnuts.

Why is it like this, is it just English?

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/tell-the-truth-about-sex-and-lost-babies.html">Online

petition about sadness

I have just visited GoPetition and found the following page very interesting:
http://www.gopetition.com/online/16076.html

Buzzing in my ear

I can hear a sound in my ear and when I ask others to listen to the noise they tell me I imagine it.

It sounds like birds calling to each other.

Today, I was playing with some children and I noticed the noise was gone.

Now at the computer I can hear it again.